


I Don't Want to Be Alone Anymore

by Writings_of_a_Hufflepuff



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Yearning and Longing, but in the end we have fluff and happiness, reader isn't identified by a gender to the best of my knowledge, some self worth issues, this has quite a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28957770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writings_of_a_Hufflepuff/pseuds/Writings_of_a_Hufflepuff
Summary: You’ve been feeling incredibly lonely as of late, missing something in your life that seems unattainable, out of your reach. When you can’t sleep Poe finds you sitting atop the Millennium Falcon and a heart to heart is had.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader
Kudos: 11





	I Don't Want to Be Alone Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by anon: Hi!! Could I please request Poe Dameron x reader with the prompts “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” + “I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to believe that you’re good enough because you are. You’re so amazing.” + “I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone.” 😘 Please and thank you!!!
> 
> You can find my over on tumblr at writings-of-a-hufflepuff.tumblr.com

You had been rather melancholic as of late. That was the best way to describe you. Melancholic, sad, down in the dumps, just not your usual bubbly happy self. You knew that the other’s had taken notice of it, everyone was constantly trying to make you laugh, tiptoeing around subjects that could make you sadder. Your patients noticed the change in your bedside manner as well trying to cheer you up even when they were the ones in pain. In truth you just...you were lonely. 

You had so many friends and you could be on a resistance base full of people and still you felt lonely. Your whole life thus far had been overtaken by the resistance, by war, by fighting the good fight, so much so that you’d had no time for romance, for love and companionship. You were beginning to feel that yearning, that ache deep in your soul for something more. But, you doubted you were good enough for it, that you deserved it. Surely, if you’d been worthy someone would have come in and swept you off your feet by now? But, no one had and you were once again alone, alone and doubting your achievements, doubting your skills as a doctor, as a medic, as a key member of the resistance. You often wanted to kick yourself, it was all so trivial in comparison to the fight that was going on, compared to the First Order.

You’d been unable to sleep, the muggy air on Ajan Kloss, the sounds of skittering wildlife and the ache in your chest, that lonely sadness, all combined to force you out of your cot and into the night air. Tossing and turning had proved fruitless and so instead you found yourself a little perch atop the Millenium Falcon, knees pulled up to your chest, chin resting atop them. 

Ajan Kloss was beautiful as planets go, with a vibrant jungle and active wildlife, it felt like the centre of the universe sometimes. Like the place where life originated. Lately, there had been talk about what everyone would do once the war with the First Order was over, what people were fighting for. Your answers always felt lacking. You had no lover you were fighting for, no future marriage or children that you were fighting to obtain...because you were alone. It never used to be a problem, you had started out in the resistance because you believed it was the right thing to do, you still do, but you wanted more from your life than that of a lonely rebel. 

“Now what would you be doing out here on your lonesome, sweetheart? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” You look down to see Poe standing, wide stance, knuckles on his hips, beneath you. His hair is a mess of curls, clearly the result of lying in bed for any length of time and he’s stripped down to the bare essentials. A white undershirt, a pair of comfortable trousers, the chain with his mother’s ring that he always wears around his neck. He looks beautiful in the moonlight, always does, but especially in the moonlight. 

“Couldn’t sleep, General…” Your normal teasing tone at his rank is missing and it makes Poe frown. You sound sad, you look sad. Your shoulders hunched in, your brows pulled together, lips turned down. You’ve been like this a lot lately, he’s missed your smile, the one that puts little creases around your mouth and crinkles your eyes. He’s missed your happiness. 

“Mind if I join?” Your nod is all he needs to start climbing up the Falcon to sit beside you. He sits close enough that your arms are touching, hips pressed against one another as if he can give you some semblance of happiness from his own body. It is both a relief to your touch starved soul and a torture, a reminder that you don’t actually have this, not with him, not with anyone. 

Poe isn’t your partner, your lover, your future husband. He is simply your General, your friend. No matter how handsome he is, how much you desire him, he doesn’t desire you and it stings. To your lonely mind it doesn’t matter that you’ve never said a word to him about your feelings, all that matters is that you’re alone, even with him sitting beside you. It’s hard to understand that he is there because he cares.

“So, what’s wrong? You’ve not been yourself lately…”

“I...Poe...I don’t…” You turn your head away from him, gazing off into the jungle, not wanting him to see the tears that have started to collect in your eyes. You don’t want this conversation because it’s embarrassing, embarrassing that you’re lonely, embarrassing that after all this time you’re still on your own. 

“I would say we don’t have to talk about this, but sweetheart, we have to talk about this. You’re sad all the time, I just want to help.” A gentle hand at your cheek turns your face back towards his, fingers sliding down to cup the side of your neck, thumb grazing against the curve of your jaw. Poe tightens his grip at the tears collecting in your eyes, you look utterly hopeless in that moment and it tears at his heart. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I...I’m so lonely, Poe…everyone has all these plans. How they’re going to go back home, get married, raise some kids. I just...I want that, but I know i’m not good enough. I’m so alone and it feels like that’s never going to change. I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone. I’ve been alone my entire life and I...I just...I feel like i’m not good enough, like i’m going to be alone forever.” You had spent all your life alone, between being orphaned from a young age, working constantly to get your qualifications as a doctor and the resistance, there had never been anyone. You wanted someone, a companion, a kindred spirit, a soulmate. Someone you could curl up next to after a long day, someone you could make a family with, someone you could kiss and cuddle and love. 

It seemed out of reach. Like something not meant for you, not made for you. Why would anyone choose you when there were so many better options out there, so many other people who could provide them with more. 

There’s a silence that falls over the two of you, Poe’s thumb still stroking at your jaw as his heart breaks for you. He loves you, he’s known it since his capture by the First Order, but he’s never said a word, terrified of losing you from his life altogether. The thought that you believe you’re not good enough, that you’re not deserving of, worthy of being swept off of your feet, of love, hurts him. It cuts deep, a vibroblade straight to his heart. His lips part with a sad sigh, furrowing his brows as he frowns down at you. 

“Sweetheart, you are so worthy of love. God, I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to believe that you’re good enough because you are. You’re amazing. You’re everything.” He’s pulling you closer, your legs thrown over his so that he can drill into you just how wonderful you are. You’re so beautiful, so kind, so good. You’ve healed his many wounds, made him laugh when he wants to cry, taken such good care of everyone around you that the thought that you’re not worthy of love is laughable. You deserve every good thing in the world. 

“Then why does no one want me? Why am I still alone?” There’s a tremble to your bottom lip, to your voice, a wetness that comes only from tears and it has Poe pressing his forehead to yours with closed eyes and deep sigh. That you think no one wants you...that you think he doesn’t want you hurts but it’s his fault, he knows he’s hidden his feelings well, kept them behind a guise of friendship and harmless flirtation. 

“Because I’m the biggest coward in the galaxy.”

“What?” You’re confused, pulling away to search his face for some sort of meaning, hand gripping his wrist, unsure, confused. He’s never been so scared in his life, it seems crazy, to be scared of telling you something as simple as how much he loves you, when he’s literally been tortured, faced life or death. But, this is scarier, this is his whole world hinged on your rejection or acceptance, but he can’t live with you not knowing, thinking that no one loves you, wants you when he absolutely does. 

“I’ve loved you since I escaped the First Order, hell, maybe I loved you before that. But, I’ve been...I was so scared of losing you as a friend that I never said anything. But, I love you, dank farrik, I love you and you’re wanted and you’re needed and that’s never been in question, sweetheart.” He wants to grab you and kiss you, show you how much feeling you inspire in him, but he knows this is a lot, he knows the chances of you never having even been kissed before are high and the thought of panicking you, pushing you, stops him.

“You...you love me? Poe…?”

“I love you and if...if you don’t feel the same that’s fine, but I can’t have you thinking that you’re not wanted because you absolutely are.” It feels like your chest might actually burst open, like your heart wants to jump from your body and into his. 

He loves you. Poe Dameron, Resistance General, flyboy, extraordinary pilot, friend, loves you. He wants you, the one man you’d never hoped would, loves you. There are still tears collecting in your eyes, but they’re a different sort, the sort that comes from overwhelming happiness. 

“I love you too” It’s sobbed out, you can’t really control the watering of your eyes or the way your voice shakes as you press your forehead back to his and cup his jaw in your hands. He’s patient though, just whispers how happy he is, how much he loves you too while you let the tears flow. 

When the tears stop coming and you’re just smiling at him, nose brushing against his own, that’s when he asks. “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” He knows the answers, deep in his soul, but it’s your information to give, your piece of yourself to share and he makes sure to dip his eyes down to your lips and bit his own just to bring that flustered expression to your face, the one that makes you look just the tiniest bit startled and excited. You are wanted. He’s never going to let you think otherwise. 

“No…” Your eyes drop down to follow the line his tongue paints across his plump bottom lip, swallow hard at the prospect that this man, this man who loves you, might want to kiss you. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time, the thought that you might be absolutely terrible at it, that you have no clue what you’re doing, but that you want to try anyway, with him. 

“Well, that’s a damn crime, sweetheart.” One corner of his mouth quirks up forcing that dimple of his back into view and while his voice is confident and almost brash, Poe’s eyes are soft, crinkling at the corners. “Will you let me kiss you?”

“Please.” Your voice is needy and high, soft as a whisper as if you’re worried speaking too loud will make him disappear. He’s not sure he could move even if the First Order came raining down on Ajan Kloss. You’ve captured him without bindings, he doesn't want to move from your orbit.

With one hand he cups the back of your neck to pull you closer, the other encasing your cheek, brushing sweet little circles across the breadth of it. He’s slow as he moves you closer, gives you time to back out, in case you need to, in case this is too much too soon, but you don’t. 

His lips are soft and careful at first, pressing against yours, closed mouthed and undemanding. His nose gently pressing against your cheek as he eases you into the sensation of another person’s lips against your own. The press of his body to yours has you gasping quietly, mouth parting and Poe takes this as an invitation, gently pressing his tongue into your mouth. It is strange at first, the sensations, but each ministration, each touch has you relaxing into him more, until your hands are tangled in the curls of his hair and you’re pressing as close to him as you can. 

Poe lets out a deep groan when you tug at the strands and he pulls away from you to take a breath of air, not going far, only so far as to put his forehead back against your own. He’s pretty sure he could kiss you until he suffocated, he’s pretty sure that would be a good way to go out.

“Can I be your boyfriend?” His fingers are gentle at the back of your neck, massaging into tender spots as he stares into your eyes. It’s all so intense and yet so comfortable at the same time, it feels like you were always meant to kiss Poe, always meant to be with him, this entire time. 

You let a little laugh at his question. The idea of you saying no after everything, after a confession of love from the both of you and the best first kiss you could have asked for, is laughable. But, still you give him an answer, cementing it as a fact. 

“Yeah...yeah, I’d like that, Poe.”


End file.
